so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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