I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
