i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
