i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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