I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
