i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
