It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
