ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
