I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
