my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
