i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im calling her cock vulture from now on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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