dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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