i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
