when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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