I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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