So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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