At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
