Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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