it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
