His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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