i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
