I wish you could order shots online.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
