it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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