You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
