I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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