drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
