i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
