You're my little dorito
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
