The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
