It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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