Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
