I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
