I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Actions speak louder than pants.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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