woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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