So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
