yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
