That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
