my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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