I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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