why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize