your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
