so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
