Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
