he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
