he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
