My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
