Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
