I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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