so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
