You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
