This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
