the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
