I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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