So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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