I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
