remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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