It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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