I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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