I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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