somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
