if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
