i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
