just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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