At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize