I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
