OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He better not be in your backpack
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
