dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
