I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
