Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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